Defeating the Bully: at School and at Work

Sep1

Question: How do I help my child deal with a bully at her school?  Also, how do I handle an adult bully on my job?

Answer:  It’s not uncommon for bullies to be a problem for adults as well as for children.  Usually, the child bully tries to belittle the other kid in some way.  The young bully may try to put down another for the way he looks, for example, by calling someone’s clothes ugly or out of style or saying they look fat.  These types of negative comments especially seem to take their toll on young girls making them embarrassed about their body image.  These bullies will often pull others into their sadistic behavior.  A common method older kids use for this is with cyber-bullying.  They use social media to start nasty rumors or post unflattering, doctored pictures of other students.  Some of the victims in these cases have even committed suicide because of the severe embarrassment caused by this type of bullying.

Adult bullies also tend to pull others in to help them with their harassment.  For example, at work, the adult bully might try to publicly embarrass you in front of co-workers by letting it be known that you didn’t give much to help buy a gift for another co-worker’s birthday, wedding shower, or new baby.  The person being treated this way may be too ashamed to admit that they can’t afford to give more.  Or, the adult bully may try to turn fellow co-workers against one another by revealing a co-worker’s political leanings or stand on controversial social issues.  If the bully knows that most of the office agrees  with the politics of the bully, the bully will openly say things like, “Can you believe there are people who actually feel this way about this issue?  Surely, they must be haters or bigots.”  By phrasing the issues in this way, the bully can often  succeed in intimidating those who disagree into silence.  After all, not many people will want to be thought of as a hater of others.

As Christians, we are to handle bullies with wisdom and love.  In Matthew 5:44, Jesus says, “…love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” (NKJV)  Also, in Romans 12:19 it reads, “‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”  As believers, we know that prayer changes things.  We know that God keeps His word.  So, when He promises to  deal with our enemies, He will.  He will do it in His way and in His time.  We are to pray about the bullies we are dealing with and ask for wisdom from God for what steps we should take in the meantime.

With God’s guidance,  do your homework.  Find out from your child’s school and from your human resources department at work their policies and rules for dealing with and reporting harassment.  Keep detailed records of each incident, including names, dates, times, and places.  Meet with your child’s teacher to report the bully and find out what will be done to stop this problem.  Meet with the principal if necessary.  Don’t stop taking appropriate actions until you are sure your child is safe.  At work, you can go through the proper steps to report the office bully.  Know your rights, and exercise them!   By relying on God’s wisdom, guidance, and protection, you can defeat the bully!

Don’t Be a Holy Hypocrite!

Aug4

Question:  Our teenager refuses to report that she saw two of her good Christian friends cheating on a class test.  How do we explain to her that she should report them even if she risks losing them as friends?

Answer:  It can be hard for parents to admit to their children that some of those nice, church-going people aren’t always living like an example of Christ to the world.  As parents we can find it easier to present people as simply the “good guys” and the “bad guys.”  It’s very disappointing to realize that some of the “good guys” are participating in some really bad things when they think no one is watching.  This can be adult Christians who still think it’s alright to cheat on their income taxes or that it is no big deal if they sneak a few grapes to eat at the grocery store without buying the bunch.

It’s certainly true when we see church leadership caught up in inappropriate sexual behavior and refusing to step down from their positions.  Many times, their members  still support them staying in those leadership positions when they know these leaders should be removed.  All the while, we will see all these adult Christians in church the next Sunday, enthusiastically praising the Lord and claiming to love Jesus like nothing was wrong.  We can even find these same people looking down their noses at the drunks, drug dealers, and prostitutes on the street corner.  At least these people on the corner aren’t claiming to be Christians.  At least, the people on the corner aren’t holy hypocrites!

Therefore, explain to your teen that Christians are to be “salt and light” for our Lord.  Refer to Matthew 5:13, “You are the salt of the earth…” and Matthew 5:16, ” Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (NKJV).  Let your teen know that it is more important to please God by doing the right thing than to please these friends.  Real Christian friends will stay friends.  So, tell your teen to go to these friends and encourage them to turn themselves in.  But, if they don’t, report them, and also, pray for them to repent.  This may be hard to do, but no one said that being a Christian would be easy.

One Nation Under God?

Jul1

Question::  What should Christians do to get our country out of its moral decline?

Answer:  Pray!  Christians know that prayers do, indeed, change things.  The Bible tells us in 2 Chronicles 7:14, “If My people who are called by my name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” (NKJV) As Christians, we must make sure that we are living our own lives to please God.  We need to repent from our own sins before we seek to witness to others about their need to turn from their sins.  Unbelievers can often spot a hypocrite, and they are understandably turned off by them.

Plus, as Christians, we need not despair as we see evil gaining ground by way of the new laws that are being made in this country which go against the Word of God.  Laws such as the ones attempting to redefine marriage or promote abortions, among others, are regularly in the news.  Believers need not feel defeated as we witness polls that show the majority of people favoring what God’s Word clearly calls sin.  The Bible tells us that God will not be mocked (Galatians 6:7).  He is still in control.  When a nation continues to be disobedient to God, it invites the wrath of God upon it.  Each person will have to stand before Him one day to account for his or her deeds.   God does not want us to reject Him and be lost.  Therefore, be thankful that,  “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).   The Bible says our sin separates us from God, who is holy.  He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for us, taking the punishment we deserve.   We only need to accept Jesus as our Savior and Lord,  ask God to forgive us our sins, and repent by turning  from our sinful ways.  Only by doing these things will we be saved and go to Heaven.

Additionally,  America’s founding fathers were wise to include recognition of God in such places as the Declaration of Independence.  Dr. Harold Pease, an expert on the US Constitution, wrote about the five references to God found in the Declaration of Independence.  Most famous is the following reference about our Creator, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.”  (See  http://www.libertyunderfire.org/2011/07/five-references-to-god-in-the-declaration-of-independence/).  Also, in 1954, US President Dwight Eisenhower was wise to get Congress to add the words “under God” to the Pledge Of Allegiance. ( See http://www.ushistory.org/documents/pledge.htm).  There are even carved images of the story of Moses in the building of the US Supreme Court.  Despite the many wrongs this country has contributed to like slavery and segregation, this country has done many other things right.  For example, this country remains one of the nation of Israel’s closest allies.  This country continues to be one that gives the most to address the world’s humanitarian needs.  This nation continues to be considered the most powerful in the world.  America has been blessed.  America has a history of acknowledging God in its historical documents, national buildings, and patriotic songs.  Most of its citizens call themselves Christian.

Therefore,  America needs to remain a country which recognizes the existence of Almighty God.  America’s people would be wise to remember the part of the Pledge that says we are “one nation under God.”  For the Bible tells us in Psalm 33:12, “Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD…”   We need to remember that we need to rely on the teachings of the Bible when making laws for our country and not govern in ways that go against God’s Word.

Amen!

A House Divided

Jun1

Question:  How important is having unity in the Christian community?

Answer:  Unity can be very important as long as you’re united for the right reasons.

Jesus says in Matthew 12:25, “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.” (NKJV)  This teaching can be applied in a variety of situations from whole communities to churches, families, and even marriages.  Combine this knowledge with what is revealed about Satan, the thief in John 10:10,  “The thief does not come except to steal. and to kill, and to destroy. I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and that they may it more abundantly.”  Satan knows that one of the most effective ways of destroying something is attacking it from the inside out.  Therefore, an important goal for every group is to stay united in living your lives to please Jesus.  God, through the teachings of His Holy Word, should be the referee and final decision maker in settling disagreements and divisions whenever they arise.

How many times over the years have you heard of church congregations splitting apart when some members disagree with their new pastor?  As a result, hurt feelings and bitterness can last for years.  Obviously, if the church leaders are teaching that the Bible is not true or saying that Jesus is not our only way into Heaven, they are wrong.  You should leave such a church and find one that teaches that the Bible is, indeed, true.  Otherwise, when your Bible-believing, Bible teaching church is having some disagreements within the congregation, pray for God’s Holy Spirit to bring unity to that body of believers.  You will have trouble taking the Gospel out to the world and making new disciples, as Jesus commanded in Matthew chapter 28, if the current disciples are spending most of their time fighting with each other!  As a church, repent of your sins and forgive each other.  Then, your church can be united in showing God’s love in a variety of ways to the local communities and beyond. 

Also, be aware that if Satan will try to destroy the unity of a church congregation by attacking from within, he will also try to destroy a marriage or a family the same way.  Far too often, we hear of marriages and families breaking apart as a result of various disagreements, or sinful temptations such as adultery, pornography, greed, and deceit.  Seeing how often this happens, we need to be better prepared spiritually.  Dedicate your marriage, family, and yourself to the Lord.  Pray for God’s Holy Spirit to protect you, your spouse, and your family from the temptations of Satan.  Pray for you all to be united in believing in and living by His Word.

Remember that God has provided us with the Bible as a manual for living life His way.  So, study His Word, the Holy Bible, and follow its teachings to help keep you from being in a house divided by Satan.  Instead, you will be in a house united by Jesus!

Beware! You’re being watched!

May5

Question:  How do I get over my resentment of church people after witnessing hypocritical behavior by some of them?

Answer:  Unfortunately, many people have blamed the entire church body for bad behavior they’ve seen or experienced from some in the church. Some have even used this reason to explain why they don’t want to attend church. But they need to know that like everybody else, when members of the church do wrong or treat people wrong, they sin against God.  And, like everyone else, they will answer to God for their actions if they don’t ask forgiveness for and repent of their sins. Those Believers who have truly grown in their relationship with God already know this.

But you need to understand that your own relationship with God should not be based on the actions of humans.  Your relationship with God must be based on your acceptance of the actions of God’s only Son, Jesus Christ!  Jesus is the only one God sent to die on the cross and take the punishment we deserved for our sins.  We can be thankful for His sacrificial death and resurrection.  Only by accepting Jesus as our Savior, asking Him to forgive our sins and repenting from our sins, are we saved from eternal damnation. Then, we can look forward to going to heaven.  And we make the first steps needed to develop godly feelings towards other people.

Because God’s Holy Spirit will then be guiding you and helping you to have the correct feelings towards others — whether they are doing the right things or doing the wrong things.  You’ll learn to hate the sins and not the sinner.  You’ll learn that you are to pray for people who are doing wrong instead of resenting them.  Pray that they repent and do right.  Love them because God loves them and wants them to live their lives for Him.

How many ways to Heaven? Jesus says, just one!

Apr1

Question:  Are there many different ways to Heaven?

Answer:  No.  Jesus says there is just one way to Heaven and that’s through Him!  In John 14:6,  it reads, “Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and life.  No one comes to the Father except through Me.’ ” (NKJV) Believers know that Jesus does not lie.  Therefore, we can be assured that the only way to Heaven is through Jesus, as our Lord and Savior!  Jesus does not say that there is any other way.  In fact, many other scriptures in the Holy Bible confirm this.  For example, in Acts 4:12, the Apostle Peter says of Jesus, “Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”  John the Baptist says in John 3:36,  “He who believes in the Son (Jesus) has everlasting life; and he who does not believe the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.”

Also, in 1 John 5:10-13, the Bible gives another summary on the only way to God in Heaven.  It says, “He who believes in the Son of God has the witness in himself; he who does not believe God has made Him a liar, because he has not believed the testimony that God has given of His Son.  And this is the testimony; that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.  He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.  These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God.”

These scriptures are the words of God.  Believers know that they are true.  Sadly, even some Christians will try to deny God’s Word.  They do not want to admit to others that not every person will go to Heaven even if they are doing so-called “good deeds” or saying they believe in some type of  “god.”   This “One way to God” teaching sounds mean, divisive, and unfair to them.  What these people forget is that God is a loving God.  Remember that John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son , that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” God’s offer of salvation is given to all people groups.

God wants us to realize that we are all sinners in need of a Savior.  He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross to take the punishment for our sins — although Jesus remained sinless.  He wants us to ask His forgiveness for our sins and repent.   He wants us to accept Jesus Christ as our Savior and be saved.  However, He has also given us free-will.  It’s up to each able-minded individual to decide to accept or reject Jesus as his or her Lord and Savior.   Those who harden their own hearts and refuse to accept Jesus as their Savior have condemned themselves to eternal separation from a holy God.  In other words, they choose Hell over Heaven!  Still, they are making this choice for themselves.

Believers must continue to pray for all those who reject Jesus Christ and the teachings of God’s Holy Word, and who believe that there are multiple ways to Heaven.  Pray that they realize that God’s words are true.  Pray that they accept that when Jesus said, “No one comes to the Father except through Me,” He meant it!  He IS the one and only way!

(Reposted from my January 24, 2014 Blog)

Stop Playing the Blame Game!

Mar3

Question:  How do I get my child to stop blaming others for his bad behavior and take responsibility for his actions?

Answer:  Many times, children first learn how to avoid taking responsibility for their actions from their parents.  For example, they may hear their parents blaming the rainy weather as being the reason they couldn’t get to church that Sunday.  However, the children see these same parents going to their jobs, driving to shop at the mall, or getting to their favorite game at the local sports arena all during rainy weather.   Plus, through the media, children can see popular television stars, musicians, politicians, and athletes  regularly blaming others when they are caught doing the wrong thing  or getting into legal trouble.  These famous figures fail to take personal responsibility for their actions.  Sometimes, after behaving this way, they become even more popular.  What lessons do you expect children to learn from witnessing these adults playing the blame game?

As Christians, we should care about the words we say to others.  Proverbs 8:8 says that all the words of our mouths are to be with righteousness…  With nothing crooked or perverse in them.  Exodus 20:16 says that we should not bear false witness.  In other words, we should not lie.  Blaming other things for our bad behavior when we know in our hearts it’s really our own fault is wrong.  We are not being truthful.  We are telling a lie.

Therefore, teach your children that it is a sin to lie.  Let them know that in your household, you will strive to do what is pleasing to God.  We do not please God when we do what His Holy Word says is sin.  Teach your children that we are to pray to the Lord for forgiveness of all of our sins…including when we sin by playing the blame game.  God hears our prayers, and He will forgive us our sins. Be their best role-model by accepting responsiblity for your actions!

Does love really mean not calling sin…sin?

Feb2

Question: Shouldn’t Christians just show love to others and stop trying to shame them about their sins?

Answer:  That depends on what you mean by “showing love.”  Consider this:  a good and loving parent teaches their child right from wrong and lets that child know that doing wrong (sinning) will lead to negative consequences.  For example, the loving parent will teach their child not to play with matches. They will tell him what could happen if he started a fire that caused himself or others to be seriously burned.  The parent would let the child know that his disobedience could even lead to the entire house burning to the ground.  If that child still goes and plays with the matches, the parent will tell the child, again, why this was wrong and punish the child to discourage him from doing it again.  Likely, that child will feel ashamed when being called out for doing wrong.

But, better that parent tell that child what he was doing was wrong than keeping the child ignorant of the dangers of his actions… actions that could possibly lead to catastrophic results!  That parent telling the child his behavior was wrong was actually showing love to that child. For it would not be very loving to let that child remain unaware of his dangerous behavior and the potentially deadly consequences.

Likewise, God wants Believers to tell  the world His Gospel. In fact, Jesus left us with the Great Commission to, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you…” ( Matthew 28:18-20 NKJV)  Of utmost importance in what His Holy Word teaches is the deadly consequences of our sin.  Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Since Romans 3:23 says that we “…all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” we all need our Savior, Jesus Christ!

Therefore,  it would not be very loving to keep people ignorant of the dangers of their sinful behavior.  Letting people know what sin is and the consequences of their sin is actually a loving thing to do. Just always let them know in ways that are compassionate and caring – remembering that we were all lost in sin until we accepted Jesus as our Savior.  Thank God for His saving grace!

Do you really know what you believe?

Jan4

Question:  Why do so many Christians have trouble explaining how the Bible relates to today’s social issues?

Answer:  Simply put, many Christians are not regularly studying God’s Word.  In 2nd Timothy 2:15, the Bible says, “Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” (KJV)   When we stay in God’s word and pray for Him to give us understanding as we study, we can trust God to make His truth known to us.  In fact, by continuing on in 2nd Timothy 3:16-17, the Word says, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”  (NKJV)  Therefore, it’s vital that Christians study God’s word in order to know what they believe and be able to explain their beliefs to others.

Another problem many Christians face is that in our society today, Christians listen to people in the media as well as in their communities tell them what they had better think about various issues.  If the Christian dares to stand up for an opposing view, they may face ridicule, be called a “hater,” or even lose their job.  For example, a politician who says he is “pro-life” might be falsely accused of being against women’s rights.  A student who writes a term paper about how this country was founded on Christian principles might be falsely accused of not embracing religious diversity. Or, a different student might be falsely accused of not loving this country because they write about how the country was not always following Christian principles: for example having years of legalizing the sins of slavery and racial segregation.

Many Christians would rather say little, speak in vague terms, or remain quiet in order to be accepted by the group.  Sometimes, these Christians start to try to rationalize that it is okay to embrace the anti-Bible beliefs of the popular culture so that they can appear tolerant of all beliefs.  As a result, when this Christian tries to explain their beliefs, their explanation might sound confusing.  In fact, you can’t embrace both God’s teachings and Satan’s without being confused.  We are only to embrace the teachings in God’s Word — while always showing God’s love to others!

The bottom line is that as Christians, we need to be sure that we really know what we believe.  Therefore, we must study God’s word to know how He wants us to live our lives.  Make time, regularly to read the Bible at home and participate in good Bible studies under godly pastors and teachers.  Pray that you get the correct understanding from your studies.  As a result, you should be much better equipped to explain your Christian beliefs and stands on various issues to others.

Don’t have a Jesus-free Christmas!

Nov29

Question:  In the hustle and bustle of the season, how can I make sure I’m keeping Christ in Christmas?

Answer:  Even dedicated Christians can sometimes find themselves consumed with every tradition of the holiday season except what’s most important.  They can forget that Jesus really is the reason for the season!  Christians know that this is the time of the year we choose to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Therefore, we should make the time and make the effort to keep Christ in our Christmas!  But, if we know this, then why don’t we do it?

Unfortunately, some Christians can get as consumed with creating the picture-perfect Christmas experience as the world does. They fill themselves with anxiety trying to get the best super sales on the most popular gifts.  Adults get worked up over seeing their peers gifting themselves with the latest “must-have” gadgets and new technology.  They wear themselves out trying to keep up with the trends of the crowd. They forget to  pause, reflect, and be thankful for the greatest gift – Jesus Christ.

Likewise, many Christian families find themselves in turmoil during this season.  Married couples fight over which in-laws they are going to spend Christmas Day with.  Parents argue over how much money they are going to spend to make sure their children have this year’s hottest toys. They fill the family calendar with so many seasonal activities that they find themselves exhausted.  Yet, they fail to make time for the most important things – reading, meditating on, and discussing God’s Word.

Most importantly, during this season of spending extra time with family and friends, too many Christians fail to include in their discussions talk of their walk with the Lord.  They tend not to share with their family and friends how God has brought them faithfully through this year.  They are willing to talk about everything else but Jesus.  It doesn’t have to be this way.

Don’t have a Jesus-free Christmas!  See that you and your family are keeping Christ in Christmas. There are many ways you can do this.  For example, plan to take your family to a church Christmas program that tells the story of Christ’s birth.  While decorating the tree, play or sing Christmas hymns that give praise to our Lord.  Make sure to share with your family and friends how God has blessed you this year.  And, always make sure your family knows the story of the birth of our Savior.  Luke 2: 1-20 spells out in detail how Jesus was born in Bethlehem.  This Bible passage may be one you’d even want to read aloud together.  Listen to a reading of this account by clicking here  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCKpwaRxIww&feature=youtube_gdata .

And, have a very Merry CHRISTmas!